It’s not their behavior, it’s YOUR perception!

It took me years to make sense of the feeling of betrayal I experienced when my husband “failed” my expectations.

In the last ten years of unraveling I also felt betrayed by my father, my mother, my sister, some friends.

Having just spent the weekend at my sister’s, I am amazed at how good it feels to be together again, whereas just two years ago we both felt so wounded that it was easier to not speak at all.

As I was luxuriating in all the attention, comfort, generosity, nourishment, love and warmth that were on tap throughout the weekend – it was so evident that the love was always there.

I wasn’t always able to see nor to receive that love.

I now see that betrayal I perceived in some of my sister’s words and choices a few years ago was me projecting out my own inner experience.

Those were the years when life veered off script. I was no longer able to continue being the mother, the daughter and sister I’d been trained to be.

I thought my sister colluded with my mother in judging me. I felt unseen, misunderstood and very hurt.

Today, I see that the pain I attributed to their judgment was actually the pain I caused myself through my own judgment.

The woman I was becoming was making new bold choices, but my inner judge was still attached to the inherited notions of what makes a good mother, a good sister, a good daughter.

The pain I felt was caused by my own inner constriction. It kept me securely boarded up and on the defensive for years, unable to open and see the love and support that were available.

Similarly with my husband.

He “failed” my expectations not because he was deficient.

It was my expectations that were unrealistic.

The pain I felt was caused to my attachment to the story of how he “should have” behaved. His behaving differently I experienced as betrayal. And seeing it as betrayal is what caused me pain.

In the last ten plus years on my own journey and having worked with hundreds of people, I see so clearly that most of our suffering is not in response to what is happening in our life.

Most of our suffering stems from our attachment to specific stories about how life and other people should be.

Based on these stories, we misinterpret other people’s words, behavior and choices, taking it all personally and making it mean something about our value and worth.

We mistakenly believe that our emotions are in reaction to or caused by what is happening in our relationships.

The truth is our emotions are in reaction to or caused by our own beliefs and stories about what is happening.

Our beleifs and stories were shaped by our childhood. The pain we feel is caused by re-enactment of our childhood attachment wounds.

As a result, we are not in relationship with people in front of us, we are relating to our own demons.

When we heal our trauma and return to inhabiting our bodies again, we can learn how to separate karmic stories from bodily sensations, decondition our expectations about relationships, and drop our agendas.

We can become receptive to relating moment-by-moment, open to feeling others by welcoming them in. That is intimacy.

As always, change begins within.

When we realize that our experience happens in our body and mind, then it’s a matter of learning to prepare our nervous system to actually be able to receive the love that is on offer.

​True to Me, Open to You is a program where you unlearn all the distortions you inherited about relationships, clean the lens with which you observe people in your life, and prepare your nervous system to allow and feel love.

We begin on June 10.

​GET 30% OFF when you sign up by May 21 = $777​

After May 21 the investment goes to $1,111.
For more information on the program, go ​​​​​​here.​

I look forward to seeing you inside!