The endless longing for love stops here.

Any fulfilling relationship with anything or anyone starts with you.

You can blame others for your suffering, for your lack of fulfillment, but you will not get any relief from it. Not sustainably.

And it will just keep you stuck.

I know because I used to do that.

I used to try to make my relationship better through complaining and blaming. It doesn’t work.

The deep connections that I craved with my husband, my children, with my sister and mother, became possible when I took a good look at myself.

I built the foundation for healthier relating with others through cultivating self-awareness, learning to decipher my reactions, understanding how my nervous system functions, and re-parenting my inner child.

The more I nurtured my Self, the more capacity I built toward learning how to relate to others.

Yes, learning how to relate to others. How to tolerate people. How to get along. How to stay, to repair post-conflict, to create safety for connection.

It all starts with learning to face your Self.

Whatever you don’t face in you, you will face in the mirror of another.

In that mirror you will see the lack of self-love, you will meet the nervous system of your childhood dysfunction, you will feel your wounds and trauma. And you’ll hate it, and you’ll blame them.

The thing is, you can’t ever receive more love than you are capable of feeling.

This is what I am learning in my relationship with my husband of 35 years. This is what gets confirmed in my work with others.

On the road toward harmonious relating with others, you have to be ready to:

– un-learn what you think you know about love
​– de-condition from the illusions of how your life and relationships should look like​
– heal the attachment wounds of your inner child​
– learn to regulate your nervous system.

I consider the relationship with Self as THE foundation for all other relating.

Relationship with Self means you learn to love, understand, see, respect and care for your Self.

It requires commitment, discipline, and practice. That’s re-fathering. And you will need patience, flexibility, and compassion. That is re-mothering.

And it’ll always be a work in progress.

As you learn these essential skills of relating with Self – you begin to understand what it means to love, to see, to respect and to care for others.

Do you long for something to quench your thirst for true love?

But you keep looking for it on the outside.

And the outside never quite loves you the way you need.

And so you keep suffering from a lack of love.

But that lack of love you experience stems from a lack of self-love.

And you lack self-love because you (and me) were raised in conditional love, cultivated through the system of reward and punishment.

Because you (and me) survived childhood through self-mutilation by slicing the what-you-were-told-were-undesirable parts of your Self.

So you present a False Self to the world, and never feel seen. Never feel known. And are never able to be truly loved.

Because to be more fully loved by others, you need to be able to fully bring yourself forward.

To show yourself in your entirety.

And that seems impossible, if you haven’t integrated all of your discarded parts, fully accepted all of your Self.

Only when you dare to accept those parts – can you allow others to truly see you.

Only then can others have a chance to truly love you for who you are.

I WANT TO HELP!

That is why I created: