Why I love people who don’t vote like me.

I am a US citizen and I vote in presidential elections.

I haven’t always voted, although I have the right since I became naturalized in my early 20s.

When I was younger, the whole election process felt incomprehensible.

My parents, raised in the USSR, did not model voting or being empowered in their civil duties – they did not believe their voices mattered. In the USSR voting was a charade where citizen’s votes actually had no power or meaning – the system stayed the same no matter what, the politicians mostly held their posts until they died. As citizens my parents felt disempowered and oppressed.

As an adult, I started voting mostly because I was shamed into it by my peers. The reasons were compelling: as a woman, I got the right to vote only about 100 years ago. Many women tirelessly fought for this privilege that most of my ancestors never had. To not use it now would perpetuate the history of our disempowered voices.

In the last several elections I also got caught in the “life or death” sentiments of the general population, fueled by the media: where if a candidate I did not want to win would win, it felt apocalyptic. I found myself voting not for one candidate, but against the other.

This year is the first year when I am voting not because I am pressured or afraid, but because this act is in alignment with my own values and how I want to show up in my life.

I am not swayed by the hysteria all around me, but am guided by my own inner barometer.

What is also new this year is that I no longer view people who do not vote or who vote for another candidate than me as wrong, as my enemies or as somehow inferior to me.

In the past, I was outraged that my mother’s views were outdated and myopic.

I was judgmental of my sister and her husband for their voting choices.

I would shame my daughters into voting and would control their behavior by doing the registration process for them.

This year, I made sure I am registered to vote in New York – where I am currently – (we were absentee voters from abroad before) and I mailed in my vote early.

Only one of my three daughters answered “of course!” when I asked if they were voting this year.

I noticed that no outraged heat rose in my body in reaction to the two who gave excuses why they were not voting. I did not shame them. I allowed them to have their reasons and their choices. I noticed that I felt no disappointment and that my love for them remained unswayed by conditions. Nor did I deem the daughter who votes better, or used her as an example to shame the other two – as I may have done in the past.

And there is more.

I just spent a glorious long weekend with my family.

A few days in NYC with my brother-in-law, two of my daughters and one of their boyfriends. Then a few days with my sister and her husband in New Jersey, where one of their daughters and her fiancé came over, as well as one of my daughters and her boyfriend.

I was swimming in love and gratitude. I was so aware of the generosity of my sister and brothers-in-law, who hosted us and our children in their homes.

What feels very differently this year is that I am very aware that this generosity and loving attention were always there. I just couldn’t always receive it…

In the last ten years I was working through a lot of my own issues of insecurity and self-judgment. That constricted inner state kept me closed in on my own pain, and mistrustful of anyone.

I anticipated judgment and punishment, not realizing that I was projecting my own inner child’s fears onto others. This led me to misinterpret their words and actions, only focusing on my own pain and suffering.

I felt self-righteous in my hurt. I was unable to see that others have their own points of view, their own realities, and were responding and reacting to their own pain and fear of disconnect, rather than trying to hurt, disrespect or punish me.

This year life just feels so differently.

I call it life post-healing. I am no longer focused on healing or fixing myself or others. I am learning to just enjoy my life, to thrive in it.

All of the family relationships that became strained as I was efforting toward inner liberation are now reviving and blossoming again. And that just feels good.

I no longer blame anyone for my feelings.

I no longer experience people as a potential threat.

I no longer judge them as stuck in their ways or view them somehow inferior to me just because they don’t think like me.

I no longer need to pick others apart, to find reasons why I am right to feel superior.

There’s a quietude, peace and abundance that I feel in my body for most of the last six months, which tends to spill out on everyone with whom I interact.

Whether my adored children, my mother, my sister, my in-laws, my own husband (so much to say about that! We have been living through many ups and downs in October of which I will write in the coming weeks) or strangers on the streets – I experience (mostly) love and compassion for each of them.

I no longer feel inferior or superior to anyone.

I am humbled by my life experience, so I no longer feel that I am better than anyone else whether they vote differently or live their life differently.

At the same time, I no longer feel inferior either. I no longer give my power away to any greater authority, but trust and respect myself, my choices and my inner guidance.

The more I respect myself, the more I respect others.

This affects all of my relationships, but the person who benefits most from this shift in me is my husband.

Talking to my sister this weekend, I notice how much wounded disdain and superiority (which actually reveals inferiority) toward men we have inherited from our mother.

I have noticed such behavior in myself years ago, which probably saved my marriage: I saw that my irritation and dissatisfaction was not because of anything my husband did, but the energetic imprint I inherited from my mother and her dynamic with my father.

My mother was often dissatisfied, found so many faults in my father, all while feeling his victim. When I heard her words coming out of my own throat it at first shocked me, and then forced me to observe what I bring to my relationship, and how I unconsciously re-create the dysfunctional dynamic with my own husband.

I now help many of my female clients understand their own feelings of superiority in their relationships with men. How it speaks to us of our own attachment wounds and disappointed expectation. How we unconsciously recreate the dynamic we hated between our own parents. And how much wounding we perpetuate between genders.

More to come on that.

Meanwhile, notice what comes up for you this week. Do you feel superior or inferior to people in your life? How do you react when someone disagrees with you on anything? Where do you go to war with your loved ones because of ideology and self-righteousness? Would love to hear from you if anything comes up.

PS: FREE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS FROM YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS IMPRINT! BEGIN THE NEW YEAR WITH A FRESH START!

A few spaces still available in November and December for a 30-days 1-1 Experience with me to break a recurring pattern that prevents fulfillment in your relationships. It takes 21 days to break a habit. We’ll have 30 days together to break your specific relating pattern. I will help you see your side in your relating dynamic, and how you can shift your side of the pattern to bring about the changes you desire.

Find more details and sign up ​here​ or simply schedule your free introductory zoom call here. During this no-strings-attached introductory conversation we can see if working together is a good fit, and how I may be of service to you.