3 reasons why you feel un-fulfilled in your relationships

We all want deep, safe and fulfilling relationships.

And yet few of us actually ever get to a degree of contentment we seek.

When something doesn’t quite work in our relationships, the tendency is to focus on the external factors.

I spent years picking apart my husband. I even blamed and projected on his mother – and what she did not do enough of when raising him. I wasted a lot of time, because it did nothing to improve my relationship satisfaction.

Now when people I work with try to spend our precious time together on dissecting their partners, I remind them:

All of your relationships start with you.

You are the common denominator in all of your relationships. You are the interface.

So let’s talk about why your love life is not amazing.

Or as I promised in the title –

3 reasons why you are not getting the results you want in your relationships:

Instead of expressing your deepest feeling or asking a difficult question, or finally setting a boundary, you are censoring yourself to the point of self-abandonment.

You are saying what you think you should say. You are saying what you think they want to hear. Or you are not saying anything, hoping to avoid conflict.

When you do not address the issues that are important to you, you lose yourself in your relationship.

You reject yourself, all while bracing for a rejection that you fear from outside.

You long to be chosen, ignoring the fact that in order to have fulfilling relationships you crave, you need to become a discerning chooser, too.

To co-create fulfilling relationships without losing yourself, you have to learn to use your voice.

Quick tip: Give yourself a mini challenge of self-expression for 30 days. It does not have to be to your partner right now. Start with sharing in your journal, or write a letter you don’t intend to send, or practice with your friend or a pet, or go sit under your favorite tree and tell it everything that you’ve been hoarding. You will unblock your throat chakra and get evidence that you WILL NOT DIE when you share your innermost thoughts. Allowing the pent up energy to leave your body is powerful, because it regulates your system and gives you access to calm clear thinking, which allows you to respond, not react.

When you try to please, you are not relating.

You are hiding. You are pretending. You try to control other people’s perception of you.

When you come to relationships to please and to manage another’s feelings or mood, you will only be valued for as long as you provide the pleasing.

When you do what you think is expected from you, you deprive yourself of building a fulfilling relationship.

You also deprive your partner of the opportunity to meet themselves (through their triggers and reactions) and of the pleasure to know the real you.

No one can see or know or love you without you.

When you start showing your true colors after a lifetime of pleasing, not everyone will enjoy the new reflection. You’ve enabled their dependence on your pretending, so when you stop pleasing, they may start taking your new behavior personally, feeling rejected by the change in you.

Some relationships may not survive. But those that will – are your people.

You want fulfilling relationships? It’s time to stir the pot!

Confidence is in your energetic signature.

When you doubt yourself, it will reveal itself. People will hear it in the tone of your voice. They’ll pick up on it from your body language.

If you are used to relating from pleasing and trying to control, you are disconnected from your essence, from your worth, and from your values.

When you seek the company of another from the place of lack and deficiency, it’ll only attract more lack and deficiency.

Your chances of having a successful long term truly intimate and deep relationship with another are pretty small until you have stepped into deep intimacy with your Self.

When you become your own #1, you actually become the love you seek.

This is a whole new level of living and relating.

The way we’ve learned to relate to love and romance stems from dysfunction merged with fiction. It makes beggars out of us seeking a bandaid to attach to.

When you become the love you seek – you have enough love to go around, for yourself and your loved ones.

Anyone can be in a relationship, but building a great and healthy one with someone is a skill that no one taught us.

We have few models to teach us how to love when we are scared, overwhelmed, angry or stressed.

Many of us don’t know how to love ourselves when someone stopped loving us.

This is why I am so passionate about my new program: