Not hiding my age and not having work done is apparently shameful.

“So, will you never color your hair again?” – my mother asked me in a tone closer to passive aggressive than curious.

I am the only one among the women in my extended family who is trying to cultivate acceptance of my aging process.

And yes, there is a lot to get used to: the hair turning gray and thinning, the facial changes, the loosening of the skin, the softening of the body, a belly that I didn’t have even after carrying twins has finally sprung out now.

I keep needing to adjust my decades-long yoga practice – I just cannot do some of the postures anymore. And, frankly, I no longer want to push myself.

Despite the fact that in my 20s, 30s and 40s I was quite the social butterfly, I’ve completely stopped wanting to go out at night and love to get quiet by 9pm.

A few weeks ago I turned 59, but this feels more than just another birthday – I continue going through a huge re-evaluation of everything I’d thought myself to be.

Like many women around me, I resisted aging in the beginning.

I feared it.

I’m not invincible to the pressures women my age face.

But when the pressure to fight the natural process of aging left no space for choice, I decided to resist the pressure instead.

My 80-year-old mother still colors her hair black. Seeing her child fully gray must feel like a confrontation. I am the mirror that reflects the truth about both of our ages.

As unnatural as it may be to see an 80-year-old woman with black hair, the extended family and friends seemed to be more comfortable with her choice than with mine.

My sister delicately mentioned a few times that I should really wear my hair shorter: “It’s just too much gray,” she said.

Not hiding my age and not having work done is apparently shameful.

The pressure is global now. We are manipulated by the multi-billion-dollar cosmetic industry’s slogans urging us to be “the best we can be”.

Jamie Lee Curtis’ words in this article caught my attention recently. She speaks of “a genocide of a generation of women by the cosmeceutical industrial complex, who’ve disfigured themselves.” She adds: “I believe that we have wiped out a generation or two of natural human appearance.”

The fact that we are forgetting what normal humans look like as they age is echoed in this beautifully nuanced conversation that I listened to over the weekend titled A Plastic Surgeon and a Psychologist Debate Beauty Standards.

I believe the manipulation to divorce us from our nature works because women are used to succumbing to pain in order to fit in and often confuse self-love with self-hate.

If you do not participate in mass attempts to dehumanize your appearance, then you are “letting yourself go.”

These words still trigger me, because they imply that I neglect my self-care. And that is simply not true.

Having recently and finally freed myself from the unattainable, constantly moving target of perfection, I now take better care of myself than ever through regular movement, prioritizing relaxation, getting clarity on my boundaries, significant changes in my nutrition, and my ongoing practice of self-expression and serving my community through my gifts.

Injecting poison into my face and paralyzing the muscles out of their natural movements will not slow down the passage of time for me.

Coloring my hair will certainly not make me forget my age.

And I just know that inflating my lips with fillers will not make me feel any younger, nor will it give my life meaning.

In fact, fighting my nature feels disempowering.

It always did. And I am not only talking about aging.

Any time I pretended to be someone other than myself it left me feeling desperate and lonely.

Any time I felt that being authentically myself was shameful or not enough, it caused violence of suppression and oppression in my own being.

When we live with this inner violence of self-judgment and not enough-ness this is what we bring everywhere we go.

It will spill out as judgment and violence on people in your life. You’ll focus on their imperfections and you’ll resent all the ways they express their nature unvarnished.

I am personally looking for a more sustainable path to aging gracefully.

I’d rather live whatever time I still have left in my life in peace and in love.

I do not mind looking my age or having my face reveal what I feel. Change and transformation are part of life.

I want to stop running away from the fact that life is fragile and time is precious and fleeting.

I am so done with perfectionism and pretending. It undermines real connection and breaks down sincere communication.

I’m interested to go beyond the surface. Beyond the temporary. Beyond glossy images of pretend life.

I want to go deeper. Accept the reality. Be grateful. Share the love. Inspire others. Live according to the natural laws. Give back.

Learning to be Safe to Be Me is a culmination of a 15-year journey of learning to live in peace with my Self.

This is what most of my work with clients over the last 7 years has been focused on: I help guide people back home to themselves.

Taking time for Self, time for reflection, time for relaxation, time for softness and inner peace is crucial in a world filled with pressure, violence and noise.

Come join me for my in person retreat in Playa del Carmen, Mexico on October 21-26.

LAST DAYS to benefit from the early bird pricing : GET $600 OFF and 2 private sessions with me when you join by August 27.

This will be a small group with lots of individual attention, so places are limited.

​For more information on the retreat please go here.​

Schedule your FREE 30-minute zoom call with me where you can ask any questions and we can see if this retreat is a good fit for you