Striving for perfection is a waste of a life
I am currently exploring my work ethic as a reflection of my relationship with myself.
My work ethic was shaped by the need to look busy in order to manipulate other people’s impression of my value.
My first job out of college relied on my willingness to put in 20-hour days. I was “paying my dues,” being groomed for a career in the financial industry. My future success was directly tied to my ability to give up my personal needs, even basic physical needs such as sleep.
When I became a wife and a mother – leisure felt shameful. Conditioned from childhood by a mother who took pride in never sitting still, I was terrified to be called lazy.
Of course, my busy-ness was directly tied to my need to accumulate the conditional worth and with it my sense of lovability.
But you never win, because when you are frazzled and tired then you snap and yell at your kids and then you are back to feeling like a bad mother.
A lot of our behaviors are driven by our subconscious, rooted in trauma.
Today, driven by my own mission, I choose to work from inspiration, in alignment with my deep authentic desires.
I work and live on purpose every waking moment but it does not feel the way work used to feel. I am inspired by everything I do and respect my body’s needs for sleep and rest.
It wasn’t easy. It took me years of conscious choice to allow myself to consider writing with my feet up as work. Or doing what I love as work. Or make up my own work hours as legitimate. Or take a yoga class in the middle of a workday. Or not packing my every day tightly with sessions, but keeping at least one workday to self-care – which includes catching up on reading, podcasts and spending a good chunk of the day reclining.
My business thrives when I thrive.
Read my article for Elephant Journal: You’re not meant to be Perfect: Why your Inner Child begs for Love & Validation.