Changing the toxic internal dialogue and forgiving yourself

Weekly Journal September 27 2021, Galina Singer

Let’s start by changing our toxic internal dialogue.

Cultivate forgiveness and compassion for ourselves first.

Face and heal our wounds.

Accept the natural shapes of our bodies in full appreciation of the myriad of functions they perform to make our lives possible.

Take up space.

Respect ourselves enough to slow down the overdoing and listen in.

Honor our needs before we become burnt out, ill, or depressed.

Stop outsourcing love.

Shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance.

Through this work, we are rearranging our DNA and liberating generations of our ancestors.

Most importantly, we carve a passage to authentic self-expression for our children.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for!

I spent many years in frustration over the choices I’ve made in the past.

Now I know that it is a rather common predicament. Many people I speak to often find themselves in regret over past choices.

We think, for example, that if only we chose another person to commit to we’d be happier now.

The other is, of course, not the reason for our predicament. We choose what we choose when we choose it – because with what we knew and who we were then, we couldn’t have chosen anything else.

And that is what we need to forgive: ourselves, and the choices we made when we did not know what we know now.

And then become okay with the life we have – in all of its troublesome imperfection.
Knowing that we had to go through our experience and the feelings, distortions, and traumas that it raised in us, and how it affected our self-concept – and then forgive that.
Knowing that life is happening for us, not to us – we simply do not always have the capacity to see that in real-time.

What hides under our sense of powerlessness is our perceived lack of choice.

Having a choice connects us to power.

But most of us do not have many experiences of what it feels like to be empowered, especially in relationships, where all of our wounds come so close to being exposed.

How many of us give up our power while we wait to be chosen, forgetting that we should be choosers, too.

The way we usually find the power is through manipulation and power struggle: in stonewalling or silent treatment, revenge, threats, or ultimatums.

Whereas it is choosing to feel our powerlessness, processing it and collecting data about it that ultimately helps us to reclaim our power.

Our relationships are here to wake us up to who we are.

They are opportunities to understand ourselves.

That is why the people we attract into our lives are just the right ones to ignite self-work and evolution.

Feelings of power and disempowerment point to ancient dynamics and are opportunities for transformation.

The Tragedy of Living Life from a Sliver of Who We Are.

Many of us are not aware of the fact that we show up for our lives only as a sliver of who we are.

As a coping mechanism in childhood, we have discarded and suppressed parts of ourselves that were inconvenient or shamed or not welcomed in our environment.

Those parts of us have become invisible to us – unconscious. We feel something is missing and keep looking for it on the outside: love from a partner, stability from money, safety from a big wall around the house.

And yet, as many of us – achievers – know: the search for love, safety, power from the outside never satisfies us sustainably.

Because it cannot come from the outside.

The sense of satiety and connection comes when we finally reconnect to the lost parts of who we are.

This inner process of self-integration then shifts the way we relate with life.