When we are triggered in relationships we tend to blame the other person for the strong emotions we are feeling.
When we are triggered in relationships we tend to blame the other person for the strong emotions we are feeling.
Yes, we are reacting to something that was said or done and it feels like the other person was the cause of this.
What is actually being activated in our body is the adaptation to our childhood wound, which is expressed through fight/flight/fix/freeze cycle.
Attachment trauma is a delicate process and becomes visible to us through the triggers we experience in relationships.
A vessel that is closed cannot be filled any more than it can be emptied. ~ Eva Pierrakos
Now imagine that the vessel is you.
Imagine yourself in moments of loneliness and longing. How desperately we wish our holes to be filled, our wounds to be nursed and nurtured by someone from outside. An elusive deliverer of happiness, of love.
And yet a vessel that is closed cannot be filled any more than it can be emptied.
Having been looking for love, attention and understanding all of my life, I have recently got access to extraordinary insight: in order to receive, I must open, unplug, unblock my vessel.
To make room to receive we need to start giving. But not giving as we’ve been conditioned to do – through self-sacrifice and self-abnegation to manipulate and charm in the hope that others will fill our needs.
From the early experience of my own needs being less important than the needs of others, I learned to find my value in the family home, by taking care of others, a role that women and girls are commonly made to feel is their only value.
But disregarding my own needs created an unremitting hunger to be seen, to be loved, to be valued…. continuously needing reassurance of my worth.
The neediness is the wound we call scarcity.
To understand how scarcity forms we must first explore worthiness.
To feel worth means to feel significant, valuable, appreciated, and deserving. It is the state of feeling plenty. If we weren’t raised to feel these qualities of worthiness, we may believe good things are outside of our deserving.
When we feel the rush of emotion rising as a result of something said or done by another, we have the tendency to hold them responsible for our pain.
However, the emotions happening in our body are fully our responsibility. The trigger presses on an old wound that was unseen to us until felt. If that weren’t the case, we’d remain neutral.
Particular people through triggering or mirroring us, through their reflections and feedback can catalyze sudden realizations within us.
Our magnetism is largely unconscious.
What we are attracted to or repulsed by is driven by our deep unconscious material.
Deep unconscious material generates much of our life experience.
Why do we attract or repel certain people?
Why are we together?
How are we open or closed?
How are we being pulled into another person’s field? Why?
What is it in this person that attracts me?
Why am I repulsed, turned off, closed down?
The complexity of our own hidden depths is a mystery. Our unconscious wants to become conscious and attracts and repels people and experiences to help us discover our own depths.
Abandoning prescribed codes of behavior for more authentic living
There are codes of behavior that we are expected to adhere to.
Boxed into our identities, we are then told how to not only behave but how to feel.
And if we feel something else, something outside of the prescribed range of emotions, then we are judged. We are often our own harshest judge, having adopted our cultural scripts of behavior at an early age.
Today I debunk the saying “You are only as happy as your least happy child.”
A typical display of codependent philosophy, it does not leave room for a parent to have their own state of being outside of their children.
There’s so much confusion implicit in this statement. And yet so many mothers I know keep on repeating these words, wearing their state of codependency as a badge of honor.
Happiness is an internal state. It is dependent on multiple factors, including an individual’s physical and mental wellbeing.
When we make our internal state of being dependent on something that’s happening outside, we are forever victims of circumstances, in fact perpetuating them.
The point I’m making is that for evolution, growth, and change to occur we need to be the light that is so needed now.
My video got cut in the end, but I promote self-care and learning to regulate our nervous system because there is so much suffering all around us. Our loved ones need us in harmony and strength, so we can serve as pillars for those in need.