Safe to be me means all of you is welcome

Weekly Journal November 1 2021, Galina Singer

The more I observe the antics of my own mind, the more I see how much suffering can be avoided.

We seriously don’t even have to do much of anything to make the world a place that feels better – we just need to get over ourselves and learn to live with our own circus of the mind, so we can neutralize the ripple effect of our own madness.

Take rejection, for example.
We all think we don’t like it, right?
Well – I beg to disagree!
I catch my mind looking for ways to reject myself all the time!

My sister did not answer my message?
Pang of rejection!
My husband is watching a movie with loud gun noises? (Although he knows I hate that! 🤨)
Pang of rejection!
Someone ignored my invitation?
Pang of rejection!
An unexpected negative event took place?
Pang of rejection!

So let us stop fearing rejection from others.
We find ways to feel fictionally rejected all the time!

The baggage we bring into our life shapes our reality

The baggage we bring into our life shapes our reality. The thoughts we think, the expectations we have for our partners and ourselves, the beliefs we carry about life and the people in it form the attitude that colors our choices and behaviours.

Our culture programs us to think that joy and fulfillment come from things outside of ourselves.

So we spend our lives chasing.

The right partner will make me feel loved.
The right job will solve my security worries.
The right address will make me feel like I belong.

When the relief we long for does not come, we run toward something else, or feel trapped in what is.

The fact is we cannot run away from ourselves. And what has us feel trapped is our own perception.

Everything we experience is filtered through our own subjective awareness, colored by our own deepest unconscious beliefs and desires.

Our unconscious stuff generates our relationships and experiences.

The center is where our power lies.

Image: Maria Nemeth “The Energy of Money”


When we dare to release pretense and fear, we access our life force = the source of our creativity. This energy is powerful enough to break through our habits, conditioning, tradition, previous beliefs, fear of other people’s judgments, and even fear of survival.

From that place of personal empowerment (inner alignment), we can create a life that corresponds to our own values and wishes. Not values that are given to us, but values we’ve come to through our own inner guidance.

As I dig deeper and deeper, beyond the very many layers of masks, coping mechanisms, fears, and ancestral patterns, my life is becoming a source of awe and joy more frequently than fear and worry.

Some of this life I create through the focus of attention and resources, but a great majority of my wellbeing now doesn’t come from outside at all but from my inner relationship with life and its many miracles.

Life will always be life – with its invariable ups and downs, tragedies and triumphs. Changing the way I view the perceived downs is where power becomes available.

With each life’s event we have a choice: either repeat our karma or break out of it.

The essence of self-love means we don’t hide who we really are.

The essence of self love

Safe to be Me.

These words used to cause an avalanche of tears so violent I could not even understand why.

It became the first little thread that I pulled to start unraveling the dense and confusing container of who I was, to understand why there was so much pain.

The journey of coming home to myself was not straight or easy.

It took me a long time to go through layers of habitual ways of thinking and reacting to understand that so much of my suffering was happening because of my own inner processes.

All the drama of my relationships – the layers of pain, fear, shame, sense of not belonging, feeling trapped, feeling rejected – was self-imposed, based on coping mechanisms I’ve adopted at childhood.

It took a long time to admit that there is no outside villain, no one out there holding me stuck.

I am the one who sets the tone for my life, for my feelings and my experiences. I am responsible for how my life feels to me.

And so are you!

I see you – feeling stuck in your lives and relationships, in pain and frustration, waiting for someone else to free you. That was me too!

And I want to share what I’ve learned on my journey – so you can free yourself to be Safe to be You.

I devote my whole life to helping others return to that sense of clarity, power and joy. It is our birthright!

Safe to be me means all of you is welcome.

We present to the world a persona we cultivate since childhood.

That persona is a coping mechanism.

We’ve created it in order to survive, based on outside feedback which had us feel as if some parts of us are less good or worthy. So we “kept” what was pleasing to others, and repressed what made us unique.

Since childhood we carefully guard the softness of our essence, fearing that when the people whose love we seek will find out who we really are – we’ll lose the love. We can’t tell them our secret feelings or fears, because we think it will push them away.

Bringing all parts of ourselves back to conscious awareness and integrating them is part of cultivating that sense that you are safe to be you.

How to Cultivate Real Relationships

What does it mean to be Safe?

We are raised to expect safety to come from outside via fences, weapons, barriers.

With other people, we want to be always responded to in a way that anticipates our fragility and takes care of our needs, so we feel safe.

In fact – safety comes from within.
Particularly, feeling safe to be ourselves cannot be given to us from the outside.

Safe to be Me – means that I am safe to express my likes, dislikes, preferences, needs, feelings, wishes and dreams. It also means I have the right to pursue what brings me joy, to create, to take care of myself in all ways.

Most of us do not feel safe to be who we are, because from childhood we depended on other people to provide safety and needed to hold ourselves back and filter ourselves in order to have our needs met.

However, to have Real Relationships in adulthood, we need to learn to take care of ourselves, which includes advocating for ourselves. We cannot expect others to take care of us when we don’t communicate what we need. Often we do not even know it ourselves!

Speaking our truth without shame or guilt takes practice. It also takes self-investigation, self-acceptance, self-compassion and self-esteem.



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