The future is always undecided
“Are you still… ummm… living together?”
Hesitantly asked someone from my past who reads my posts but with whom I haven’t spoken in a while.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah” I answered, mentally rolling my eyes.
“Oh good!” She responded, relieved.
That annoyed me.
People still automatically assume that staying together is better than separating.
And that is simply not true.
This is not to say that separating is better than staying together.
My point is: there’s no formula. And every couple should decide for themselves what is best for them at any given moment and be respected in their choices.
30 years ago today I married my husband.
Many marriages don’t last that long. And those that do – throw huge parties.
We spent the day together, without children, just the two of us. We took a day trip.
Not many couples survive what we went through.
I survived it only because several years ago I’ve allowed myself to exist outside of my marriage.
It was my biggest internal fight – to claim to myself that my life matters. That I matter – outside of my marriage. That my biggest commitment is to my own life’s purpose.
The resistance from outside was eye-opening. From friends and relatives to my own partner.
It was the first time I understood the magnitude of insidious patriarchal conditioning in all of us.
As I often say, there’s not a mountaintop that we’ve reached, where we can now relax and fall back asleep.
The future, as always, is undecided.
I continue evolving at my speed. My husband, after much resistance, is starting to understand that there will not be a return to old normal.
And the new normal is changing all the time, as I take leaps and dives into the unknown of my own personal development.
The only way I allow myself to think about the future is by checking with myself daily: do I still choose this?
The present is all we ever have.
Read My Article for Elephant Journal: It’s not about Staying or Leaving—it’s about Learning to Love.