No one belongs to us

Relationships May 21 2021, Galina Singer

Our childhood experiences and traumas play out in our adult relationships.

Our attachment styles dictate how we show up in relationships and inform our core needs.

Most of us relate from our mother and father wounds, bringing into our relationships old baggage: fear, woundedness, mistrust, the need to please, the absence of honest self-expression.

So the promise of “forever” and exclusivity may calm a lot of our survival-based fears – for a time.

And yet, many find themselves trapped in marriages.

I feel that modern partnerships are really invited to evolve from the inherited prescriptions.

Coming out of co-dependent and trauma-bonding relationships we are interested in less hierarchical, more co-creative relationships. Conscious relationships respect the sovereignty of each individual and require us to heal our mother and father wound-based patterns.

Whether monogamous or non-monogamous, conscious relationships require 100% self-accountability of our own thoughts, emotions, perceptions, decisions, and actions.

This means we cannot hold the other responsible for the feelings that we experience in our own bodies. This also means that feelings like jealousy or absence of safety are signs of our own trauma and attachment wounds and under our own responsibility to address.