Something happened when I married. I lost myself.
Realizing that I am my own responsibility was a sobering moment in my life.
I fought it.
It depressed me and made me feel lonely.
I was raised to believe that love from another will heal my wounds. That my husband will resolve all practical issues and love me better than my father did, like the brother I never had.
Having been educated in the USA, I was well-versed in feminist ideas and became financially independent at 22.
But when I got married at 24, somehow all of that independence completely evaporated and I unconsciously became someone else.
I stepped into a role of a wife. The heavy and completely unsuitable to me baggage of women in my family’s history became expressed in me.
Something happened when I married.
I lost myself.
I was no longer the savvy, accomplished, and independent young woman.
I morphed into a woman driven to please, programmed through my parents’ dysfunctional relationship, inherited survival mechanisms, and ancestral trauma passed on to me through both my maternal and paternal lineage.
Now I see that I’m not the only one.
No matter how independent and self-sufficient we may be in our lives when it comes to romantic relationships, we almost automatically fall into unconscious patterns, driven and manipulated by our unconscious drives.
Read my article on Elephant Journal: Love from Another is Unsustainable: We Change, we Lie, we Age, we Die.